it's amazing to me how people in our lives can be so dear to us, and yet strangers at the same time. well, maybe strangers is too strong for this particular situation. but, the sentiment is the same.
i found out last night that one of my best friends was struggling with an addiction. as much as i thought that i knew her, and as much as we confided in one another, she battled it right before my eyes and i had no idea. i'm relieved to know that she got help elsewhere, that she saught support from a campus discussion group. but, at the same time it pains me to know that something could have happened to her and i would have had no clue as to why.
as much as i feel pained by the knowledge that so many of my friends are dealing with really negative things in their lives right now, it is not a burden for me that i should be one of the people that they trust enough to confide in. the burden of guilt would be so much greater, if something were to happen and i felt that i could have done more to help them. of course, i cannot take responsibility for their actions, especially if they choose to hurt themselves. but, i don't want to be the person that holds back a word, or gesture, or something that another person needs. i hope to one day be able to give unabashedly and uninhibitedly to everyone in my life.
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