i did it my way

not that i usually enjoy quoting cheesy crooner's song lyrics, i couldn't help but do so this time being that the statement was so fitting. however, it is the wrong tense. i will do it my way is more appropriate. this refers to my path to becoming a doctor.


in the past few weeks i have had so many, almost tormenting, thoughts about what to do in the next couple of months and next couple of years. in truth, my confidence in my decisions has waned, and i've wavered in my choices on several occasions. mostly, i second guess myself when i hear about what other people are doing, or have done.


for example, my neighbour is moving to ottawa, to go to the medical school there. she applied, interviewed at, and was accepted into the programs at BOTH the university of ottawa and macmaster. she didn't even bother writing her mcats. my mom, once she found out, immediately started asking me whether i was going to apply to those two schools this year. i haven't decided yet, i replied.


but, i know deep in my heart that going to macmaster or ottawa is not really what i want. right now i want a change, hopefully involving some travel, and personal exploration. more and more a particular option is appealing to me, and as i flirt with the possibilities, i am finding myself becoming increasingly agreeable to one particular prospect.


i want to study mental health. having been volunteering with one of the campus organization this year, i have been exposed to the power of listening. our director opened our core training session with an unsourced quote: you can listen a person's soul into existence. in so many ways i have seen the evidence of this phenomenon. upon deeper reflection, i acknowledge how much this experience has made a difference in my own life. i feel as though i have been able to open up more to others and unburden my mind from time to time of the frivolous worries and anxieties that plague my daily life.


i've been looking into the diploma programs around canada. many of the programs are found at colleges either in smaller towns in more northern ontario, or toward both coasts. i'm feeling the tug towards small town life again. i had it once, when i decided to go to guelph, but even guelph has become too big for me. it's the silliest little dream actually - the world i imagine sometimes. there's the farmhouse with a huge porch and a swing seat, a huge tree at the front with a swing, and wheat fields that go as far as you can see. i like the idea of the family owned corner store, the one bank, the one high school, and the annual county fair. but, there is time - i can't let that desire rule my decisions about where my education will take me. i'm trying to leave myself open to new experiences and possibility. all i know right now is that this feels "right" at this moment, so that is what i am going to do.