the upside of anger

while chatting with a man that i met on the internet this afternoon, i came upon quite a deep seated question: what makes people less giving of themselves in relationships? the question was sparked by the man with whom i was speaking. he said that he was just dumped by his girlfriend of two years, and he was never going to get as involved again because he got hurt this time. this kind of reaction begs the question, do people become poor partners (less emotionally available, less considerate, less faithful, etc.) because they experienced pain in past relationships?

i asked the man whether he felt that he had learned anything from his breakups. he told me that he had, and emphasized that it was more from the relationships than from the breakups. despite the fact that he is now really only interested in casual and no-strings-attached sex, he said that he learned that sex isn't the most important thing, but learning that being together takes work. suffice it to say i was rather touched by his honesty.

i hope that everyone, once they have gotten through the ice cream and kleenex, or whiskey and beer, or the sulking, or whatever they must do to grieve the ending of a relationship, come to the conclusion that they learned someone in it, or from it. i know that one of the many things i took away from my last relationship was the awareness and love of my own body. it may have started to spite him, for my own silent revenge, but, i began to understand what i wanted and needed to really feel satisfied, not only sexually, but emotionally.

so, at least for the small things that we can walk away with, let us be grateful for all relationships that don't last.