sometimes, the more i know the less i want to know

do you ever find out about something, like the status of a community program, or that a nurse has been let go from a health clinic near you, or that your friend cannot get the counselling that she needs - despite her taking the semester off of school to finally face her issues head on - for the simple fact that she is no longer considered a student, and begin feeling like the world is turning to shit? maybe that's not exactly what i'm feeling. i haven't lost hope that it can be better, and i know that i can be an active part in the change i wish to see. but, i start thinking bigger and bigger and get overwhelmed.

i can't do everything. although, i desperately want to. i cannot.

tonight i went to a "townhall meeting" for student affairs at the university. i received emails from three different groups that i am affiliated with, encouraging me to go. so, when i showed up i expected that there would be a great number of people there. there were less than 20.

the meeting was a discussion about the massive deficit that the university is in right now, and the budget cuts and restructuring that will need to occur in order for pressure to be lightened on the university central spending. these changes involve ending programs, including the one that i am currently in. as soon as this coming fall it may no longer be possible to enroll in toxicology (environmental or biomedical) at the university of guelph. the infant care program was cut. a nursing position was cut from student health services. other positions, programs, and services will continue to be cut over the next few years until the university breaks even.

with such grave consequences for some programs, and for the impact this could have on student life, tuition, and quality of experience, i was shocked and outraged that there weren't more people present. as soon as i left i wanted to run through campus, screaming, "students, get your heads out of your asses and open your eyes to what is happening!" i was so let down that more people were not concerned enough about their own education to come and hear about what the higher-ups are planning to do about this deficit.

but instead, i came home and had a drink. so many thoughts were flying through my head. how can i get involved? how can i learn more? how can i make sure student programming doesn't suffer, especially that which has become dear to me - counselling services. i know too many people who have needed emotional support and guidance in the past three years to feel ok about letting a service like personal counselling go to the wayside. i just want to make it all better, make sure everyone gets what they need, and make sure that everyone who needs a voice gets one. but, all of this cannot be my responsibility. it is too much. i already know that i spread myself too thin with my commitments, and i don't want to make promises that i cannot keep. but someone must be there, to do this work. i just got very sad and angry tonight, because i realised that very few people are willing to do it.