beware of sexual content

do you remember all of those times that you encouraged me to be more sexually free, and careless? you had all of these grand notions about free love and unconditional love. i think you were probably born in the wrong era... perhaps just three decades too late. you would have been an ideal teenager in '69, smoking weed, making love, reading philosophy and listening to dylan. but, i've often said a similar thing of myself, only that i loved the poodle skirts and sock hops, malt shops and cool cars. strange.

anyways, i think you'd be surprised, or maybe even proud to know that i have been doing so much sexual exploration. i've finally realised and accepted, and even celebrated that i am a sexual being - and i like it. it may have increased since our breakup because i no longer have a constant companion with whom i might unleash my tensions and share my fantasies. speaking of fantasies, it is a book about female sexual fantasy that i am currently reading. and, it was one of the passages about fear that reminded me of one particularly hot union we had.

i decided to come to surprise you one friday night, last summer. i took the train, and i was supposed to get in around 9pm or something but there was delays with the train itself and then i had to wait for the city bus and walk the rest of the way to your house. it ended up being nearly 11pm i think, by the time i reached your backyard. i thought you might keep your doors unlocked, and i could make some sexy entrance into your bedroom. but you didn't. so, i had to shout your name through the open windows to wake you up and get you to come let me in.

when you came to the door, you were naked. and your eyes were orbs. to this day, i still don't think i have seen another person with pupils quite as dilated as yours were that night. it was fear, you told me. you thought i was a ghost. you had been just within sleep when i interrupted you, and it was shock and adrenaline that still coursed through your system.

since you had already been in bed (from being tired), i just undressed and got in too. both you and i got very aroused very quickly, and we had some very sensation filled sex. it was fairly brief, but it was hot, and moan filled, and passionate. i remember it being one of the best times i had with you, ever. and, afterwards - and i am pretty sure this is in part what makes it so memorable to me - you held me ver close and kissed my temple repeatedly, saying that you needed to make sure that i was actually in your arms. your heart was still racing, and you were still a little tense, but we got to hold one another through the rest of the night.

i've read some of the fantasies of women (which were taken circa 1970), and i've learned that many have similar sentiments to me, and many have similar ideas. it's been refreshing, invigorating, but slightly frustrating to learn all of these things about myself. i wish i had someone to share all of these revelations with.