a grasp on reality

growing up i never would have thought that i would be hearing about the impending divorce of my parents. especially after 26 years. but, i suppose this is not a rare occurrence anymore. and, i should be grateful because often couples that choose to do this are much happier apart than together.

over the course of the past couple of weeks i have had the opportunity to speak one-on-one with both of my parents about their marriage. both acknowledge that an end is near. my mom actually admitted that she is in therapy, and before her next appointment her "homework" is to see the lawyer to begin the process.

i feel a strange mixture of feelings, although none of them sadness. i suppose you really would have had to be a part of my family life during the past ten years to understand the relief that accompanies this news, for me. in addition, i feel proud of my mom, that she is finally standing up for herself again and listening to what she knows is best for herself instead of being swayed by her parents, her in-laws, or anyone else. finally, i feel a sense of gratitude. i won't have to deal with the awkward silences, the lack of affection, the hostility and polite yet strained smiles, or the phony family portrait that we tend to form at the holidays.

i would not have anticipated how calmly both seem to be entering into this phase of their relationship. i didn't think that two people who had lived together for over a quarter of a century could be so indifferent to parting ways. i guess, i'm realising exactly how far apart they have grown (if they really were that close at all to begin with).

always, always, when i reflect on my parent's relationship i try to take it with a grain of salt. i try to learn from it. i try to remember all of the things that i do not want in a relationship of my own.