my sanctuary?

sometimes i wish that the true sanctuary still existed. the place one could go to and be protected from all of the hurt and pain of the outside. one place you could go and really find peace, both without and within.

among the many stresses and worries in my life, one has recently been added. my father had a heart attack.

it's strange, mostly because i wasn't immediately rattled by the information on his behalf, but out of consideration of the other people in my life that it would affect. if you knew me well, and knew of the relationship that i had with my father, you'd understand the strain that would be in my voice when i speak of him.

we have not been the closest of confidants, or the fastest of friends. in recent years we've managed to be cordial, and sometimes even respectful. but, when you make the attempt and your feelings are dashed aside, it is difficult to care. so, when i heard the news i was shocked first, then concerned about my mom, and then inexplicably angry at my father.

although i won't go into the details of my emotions at the time, i'll suffice it to say that i have a strange, and uncomfortable feeling of apathy towards him and about the entire situation. it's a shame really. i don't think he quite understands how his decisions over the years has led to my indifference toward him.