why are we afraid?

fear. it might be one of the biggest obstacles that we face on a regular basis in our lives. fear makes us do things we don't want to do. fear keeps us from doing things that we actually want to do. fear of life. fear of death. fear of failure. fear of rejection. fear of love. fear of loss.

but why are we afriad? what is so frightening about life, death, failure, rejection, love or loss? it might be a far-fetched idea, but i'm pretty sure that the world would not end if we experienced any of these things (except perhaps death, and that would be individual, and would likely depend on your personal beliefs and whether in fact there is an afterlife - but a completely different discussion). in other words, what do we have to suffer other than a little discomfort? why does that have the ability, this fear of discomfort, then, to keep us from trying to obtain something really great?

i know that it was my mother's fear of her own father's disappointment that kept her from pursuing veterinary medicine. she wanted to work with animals but when she was 17, graduating as one of five children in a working-class family, her father told her that it would get her nowhere. my grandfather wanted to play violin. his passion was music. but, his own father told him that music could not pay the bills or put food on the table. so he gave up his dream and became a mechanic. in canada, he worked as a janitor in the halls of the university of western ontario. when he died, they lowered the flags to half mast. my grandmother has a fifth grade education. she never learned how to drive. she still asks me every once in a while to read more detailed mail to her and explain what it means. she worked with produce at national grocers. instead of going to university, my mom worked for the canadian national railway. she worked with her hands, and she worked as hard as she could with the skills she gained along the way. even now, after having stayed at home to raise three daughters, her high school diploma earned her a spot in her father's footsteps - as a janitor at sir frederick banting high school. she doesn't resent her father, nor does she blame him. but i suppose every once in a while she wonders to herself about how her life might have turned out had she chosen a different path; if she hadn't been afraid to follow her dreams.

but, all this talk of "following your dreams" sounds so hollywood, right? everyone can't hit it big, and everyone can't make big money. some people actually can't do what they dream of doing. ok, earth to dream girl. come in donner. i refuse to believe that trying to achieve your deepest desires in life will bring you unhappiness. i acknowledge only that there may be physical limitations that keep us from achieving our goals, but i don't think that anyone that has ever given 100% effort has been truly discontent with the outcome.

are we afraid of what other people might think of us? are we afriad to be seen as weak, or vulnerable, or broken, or needy? news flash: we are all weak, vulnerable, broken, and needy. i'm learning more about myself every day, and in that learning more about how i've pushed people away so that they couldn't witness those misgivings. but, do those moments of insecurity, paranoia, doubt, anger, sadness, or depression make me any less human? of course not! they make me more human. i've appreciated the friends and family of mine that have been around in the past, especially the last 10 months, that have been privy to all aspects of me, and loved me still.